What is this topic? Its RAPE. Rape is a hot topic. In India a woman can't be safe going anywhere by herself. Women are not only gang raped, but their attackers are very seldom punished. I know we can all agree that this is wrong very wrong.
So what about statutory rape, when a man or woman has sex with a minor. We can all agree that is wrong...right? You'd think so, but unfortunately that isn't the case. In the case of a young teenage boy and an older woman there are lots of people who think he was a lucky guy. At 14 he's having sex with an experienced sexy woman.
WRONG, he is incapable of making that decision. Then there is the 14 year old girl and the older man. We all think this is wrong right? Well a judge in Texas didn't think so. Well he kind of thought it was wrong, just not really wrong. He sentenced a 49 year old teacher to just 30 days in jail for raping a 14 year old girl who committed suicide before the case could go to trial. A suicide that according to her mother was a direct result of her assault. The judge felt she was in complete control the whole time and was older than her chronological age.
In other words it was consensual, it was still wrong according to the judge so the teacher was given a slap on the wrist. So you may say well that's just a crazy old man who shouldn't be a judge. It's a lone sick man. No that's not the case. Although he had a lot of people calling for his resignation he also had quite a few defenders. It was said that many teenage girls are sexually advanced. Some even make the first move. They want these "relationships" to occur. How can you blame a guy when a hot teenage piece of ass comes calling.
I'm about to say a few things that will get some of you upset. I know there are some teenage girls who are flirtatious, who court attention from older men, who when they get that attention will pursue it further. They want it because it makes them feel special or loved. It doesn't matter. Period end of story, stop the bus, its over the fat lady has sung. If that girl walks into his house naked and begs for sex there is still no consent. She isn't emotionally capable of making that decision. Her brain isn't developed enough to know the consequences of that terrible decision. That's why we have statutory rape on the books.
The adult in this situation, if it occurs this way, needs to throw a blanket around her shoulders and tell her she is better than that and recommend she get counseling. He needs to keep his dick in his pants. She is a child still in so many ways.
So whether she is coerced, groomed or seemingly goes willingly into this sick relationship it's still rape. You are a grown ass man, act like it and do what a real man would do and walk away.
Now we are going to walk into an even grayer territory. When I describe this next scenario you are going to say oh no that isn't gray at all that is rape no question. This is where the honesty needs to come in. This is where we need to look inside and confess if only to ourselves what we really think. Go ahead, we need to. We need to so these things stop happening. You're alone reading this, no one will really know. I am going to be the brave one, I'm going to lay it all out there for you and I am going to do it for my daughter and my son.
So let's say there are a bunch of teenagers at a party. Everyone is drunk. So no inhibitions and all those teenage hormones bouncing off each other like a perfect cocktail for something bad to happen. Let's say there is a girl there and she is flirting up a storm. She is sending out the signals. She wants to fit in and now that she's drunk she feels like she is funnier and sexier then she's ever felt and she is getting tons of attention and it feels amazing. So now let's say there is a drunk guy and he has this cute girl coming on to him and he is flirting right back and his brain is saying YES YES YES we are going to have sex. He is up for it (no pun intended) and she is up for it. They do it. They do it in one of the bedrooms upstairs. It feels good at first and then a little panic slips in. Its going too far to fast, but her brain isn't working well enough and she keeps coming in and out. She's clothed and they are kissing. She loses time, they are naked now. Then she feels him on top of her. She isn't sure but then they are doing it and now its too late. Then she is waking up the next morning. She feels terrible. She's so hungover, her stomach is not happy and her head is pounding. She's alone and then it hits her. She remembers what happened. She had sex and she feels even worse. She hadn't meant to let it go that far. Did he think she was a slut, were they now going out?
Is this rape? Yes ... No... not sure?
Now what if these were two adults is it rape? Yes... No.. not sure?
If your answer is yes then who is the rapist? If your answer is no, can a woman or teenager give consent when they are so drunk they can barely remain conscious?
Does it depend on how crappy we feel the next day? Does it matter if he tries to get her drunk to loosen her up? Have you ever had sex while drunk? Was it rape? Did you regret it? Does it matter if he isn't drunk? What if he had brought a friend? Does it matter if he likes you or if he only wanted sex? Are any of these rape? Are all of them rape?
What if it was your son accused of rape, would any of these answers change? What if it was your daughter who said she was raped, would any of these answers change?
The absolute correct thing to say is if a woman is drunk enough that her judgement is impaired then she can't give consent and therefore its rape. That its rape even if he is drunk as well. That is the law, but what is right?
Raise your hand if you've ever had sex while under the influence. (my hand is up) When you were a teenager (still up). When you were really wasted. (still way up). Have you ever regretted having sex? (arm still up) Is that the difference between rape and consensual sex?
So now you want me to lay out a carefully well thought argument that will answer all those questions above. I would love to. I wish I did have the answers. I need those answers. I never want my daughter to be in a situation where she is with a boy who wants her to have sex and because she is intoxicated she either can't or doesn't protest when they do and when she wakes up she feels terrible, she feels shame, she feels violated. She liked this boy and now he doesn't want her, she was just a one night thing.
I also don't want my son to be the boy who is drunk and has sex with a girl he thinks is interested in him and wants it and then the next day feels violated and ashamed. I really don't want him accused of rape. I don't want that stupid mistake he made to colour his whole life.
So the best I can do is talk about it here and talk about it with them. I need to tell them that getting loaded out of their mind has many consequences and one of them might be rape. It happened to me. It could happen to you. Did I accuse the boy of rape? No. I didn't even consider it rape at first. I had liked this guy, but it was a one night thing, I was drunk beyond belief. I only have flashes of what happened. Years later I was told that I needed to press charges and I declined. I couldn't ruin his life. Was it rape, yes I believe it was. It felt like it. I was depressed for a very long time, I had flashbacks when I would have sex. It took a long time to put it behind me, but should I take a guy who had a wife and kids and a good job and get him arrested?
I didn't and I believe I made the right decision. I am not saying others in different circumstances shouldn't press charges, even in the same circumstances, I am saying its not cut and dry. It needs to be discussed, woman need to be honest and men need to be honest. Men who believe it isn't rape need to say so and woman need to explain how devastating it can be to us. Women and girls need to fess up that we are sometimes the seducers, we want you to want us, we will make out with you, we will work you up until you feel like you will explode and then change our mind. It is our right to do so. So if said woman is drunk and doesn't have the capacity to say no or convey no then not only for her sake, but for yours you need to walk away. You don't want to be labeled a rapist. It will ruin your life. Don't get in this situations no matter what your dick is telling you. He is stupid, you are the one with the brain. Girls need to know that if a boy really likes and wants you then he will like you sober.
You need to talk about these things with your daughters and your SONS. You need to tell them not to drink until they get so impaired that their judgement is poor or non-existent. Then you must admit that they are likely going to do it anyway. So then we have to talk to them about the consequences of that decision. Be honest, tell them if you've been in that situation. Tell them they don't want to feel shame, they don't want to be pregnant, they don't want to get raped, they don't want a disease, they don't want to be depressed over one stupid decision. Tell your sons that it will feel good and she may want to, but what if in your drunken haze and her impaired behavior she doesn't want it as much as you think and the next day this girl feels violated and you are to blame. What if she feels so violated that she tells her parents and they go to the cops. Did it feel that good? Did it feel good enough to go through that? Did it feel good enough that when your future kids go on a school trip you can't go because you have a record as a sex offender?
They will likely roll their eyes and believe you are an old fossil who doesn't know what your talking about, but it might stick in the back of their brain and it might just might speak to them when they are in that situation. If they are on the fence about whether this is right for them or not, then that voice might just change their mind. If nothing else no one wants to hear their mother's voice in their head when they are about to have sex.
More importantly, your son or daughter need a mother who respects herself, who demands respect from others and who knows her self worth so she can pass that onto them. They also need a father who can show them how a real man treats a woman, how a woman deserves to be treated.
So why is Miley Cyrus in the title? Her lovely performance on the MVA's has sparked a lively debate. Mostly about how she is a wanton out of control slut.
Twerking and with a man with a child and a wife/girlfriend I don't know or care. There is very little said about Robin Thicke. Like the poor innocent man just walked on the stage while going to church and he ended up running into Cyrus' behind and dirty grindings. It seems like we haven't come that far baby. He is a grown man in his 30's but apparently he is still a victim of a wanton 21 year old slut. It makes me sad that society as a whole still holds this view.
I don't know if Miley is a young woman who is testing out her sexuality, a sad little girl who needs attention or a woman who is a brilliant marketing machine, but she wasn't alone up on that stage. Robin Thicke has the song that says
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
Well Mr. Thicke I agree with you. I hate these blurred lines too. We need to talk about them and make them clearer. When rape is a stranger and he attacks you and forces you to have sex, that is clear cut rape, but there are a lot of circumstances that aren't so black and white. So we need to get on the same page.
So don't just warn your daughters, talk to your sons.
I never beg for comments, but this time I hope you do comment. Disagree with me, agree with me, I don't care as long as you are respectful about it. Tell me what you think. Let's make sure that these terrible things don't happen anymore. Let's make sure we are all clear about what rape is and not just what we should say, not just what the law says, but what your heart of heart deep down believes. Think about it so the lines are sharp and crisp and clear and then talk about it with whoever will listen. Tell your kids the consequences and hope they listen. Talk about what is right and what is wrong and not just for them, but because one day our kids may be cops, nurses, doctors, counselors, judges, mothers and fathers and we want those people to know whats right and wrong so we can stop this.
So talk to me .... don't leave me hanging out here by myself. You don't have to leave your name just your opinion.